He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
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I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
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You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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