First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
