Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
