never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Randomize
