Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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