I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
