My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
