I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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