There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
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