Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
