I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
