just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
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Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
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Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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