Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
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I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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