Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
