Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
