You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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