Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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