are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
