The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
