I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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