whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
