Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
i now understand why vodka
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
false alarm, still single
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