Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
