Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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