I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
