I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
