I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
