I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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