Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We left an ass print on the piano.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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