I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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