so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
