I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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