trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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