somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
