Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
