Don't make out with my wife yet
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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