so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It's blow job season.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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