I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
