Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
