the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
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i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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