don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
