there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
