I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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