we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
