the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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