Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You've changed since you got that strap on
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