just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
