u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
