Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
