i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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