Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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