Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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