Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
