I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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