I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
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