i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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