we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
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I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
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She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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