Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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