I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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