***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
