The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
