Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Randomize
