Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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