I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just blew my weed a kiss
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
