my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
