I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
