Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Your dad touched me again.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I have aggressive nipples.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize