He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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