R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
