If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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